I just realized today that not everyone follows our Facebook page and I have yet to post an updated blog.  So I am so sorry that this may be coming late for some of you.

Kev passed away peacefully on Monday, and is now residing with Jesus.  It was a whirlwind week, and I so apologize for not posting the service details on the blog.  The funeral took place yesterday (February 15th).  It was a beautiful service, with both of Kev's brothers giving tributes to Kev and his legacy.  I am so blessed with such an awesome and totally supportive family.

I have received a request to post the letter I wrote that was read at Kev's funeral.  It was read by our awesome pastor, Kevin Baker, who walked this entire journey with us.  God bless him, and God bless you all.

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Dear Family and Friends,

I have had 18 months to prepare for this day in my mind.  Of course I had hope, but it was always there in the back of my mind, the possibility that Kev may pass away from this disease.  

So we took steps to prepare certain things, have certain discussions, and took every opportunity to serve each other, knowing, in the back of our minds that the worst may, indeed, happen.  

But when Kev passed away, the level of my grief shocked and surprised me.  I had believed that I was somewhat ready for this.   But in facing it head on now, I realize that grief is something you cannot be sheltered from.  There are no walls that can be built, no plans that can be made, no items that can be thrown away, that could’ve prepared me for losing my best friend, my confidante, and my children’s father.  

Our marriage wasn’t perfect.  We fought, sometimes a lot.  He frustrated me frequently, and I him.  But in many ways cancer healed our marriage.  Cancer stripped away our pride, our petty arguments, and I would like to always remember that we made something beautiful together through this.  We served each other and loved each other in a way that I felt in my spirit was God-honoring.  But this growth brought so much pain and suffering.  We took turns with selfishness, self-serving behavior, and resentment.  I sometimes hated what I had to do, and sometimes he resented me for what I had to do for him.  We both became very weary.   It was an experience of immense suffering and broken beauty.  

So now, here we all are, and my grief is so deep and real.  I see my and my children’s lives fast forwarded through the future without Kev, and feel nothing but pain and dread.  

Someone told me today that pain and grief are holy feelings.  They are feelings that God, himself, has experienced, and they are appropriate and okay.  Lamentations 3 tells us that though He brings grief, He will show compassion.  Because of the Lord’s great love, I am not consumed.  

The feeling that “I am in a pit,” has been resonating through my head.  I can think of no greater description for my feelings.  Today, I read this in Lamentations 3: 55-57:  ‘I called on your name, O Lord, from the depths of the pit.  You heard my plea:  “Do not close your ears to my cry for relief.”  You came near when I called you and you said, “Do not fear.”'

Even in this pit, the Lord is with me.  And he is with my children.  And he is with you.  

God Bless you, everyone.

Kristin